Here I am--At least I didn't give up

I didn't give up.  I'm not going to lie and say I didn't think about it though.  I stopped blogging, tracking, and just gave in to everything--I caved and decided I should be happy with the way I am no matter what size I am.  While that is somewhat true, when I stepped on the scale at 200 pounds, I didn't feel happy.  I felt defeated and weak and ashamed that all my hard work in the past went to waste.

So you want to know what brought me back?  What was my breaking point?  I went to DFW to visit some family.  My Aunt had found an old camera that she got developed and it had some old pictures of me on there--I'd say 7 years old?  I took one look at one of the pictures and decided right then and there that I was done being fat.

I took the photo--(it was of me and my Father)--I posted it on the fridge, and since I don't have a relationship with my father, I put a big magnet over the picture.  Now everytime I go to the fridge there it is.  I also put the photo on my wall paper to my cell phone.  It's important that I have that in front me at all times.

I don't expect to get that small again--I know that after having children some things just aren't realistic, but I'll get as close to it as I can.

So what's changed?  When did I start?  I started a little over a week ago.  As of today I've lost 6 pounds.  What a relief to not step on the scale and see that 200 anymore!  What have I done differently?  I stopped worrying!!!  I stopped putting pressure on myself.  I don't track what I eat, I don't track my exercise, I don't stress if I don't get exercise in.  I still follow the weight watchers diet to a point.  Weight watchers gave me a guide and showed me how to portion control and what to avoid  I really only eat when I'm hungry.  I've learned not to rely on food for when I'm bored or stressed.  Instead--I drown myself in a book--I've got a lot of reading done! 

So I don't plan on blogging everyday--only when I feel like it--when I feel inspired.  I haven't been doing any exercising, but I have been more active--and I can tell you that having 6 pounds off makes a difference!  I don't feel sluggish anymore--and I know it'll only get better and better.  I do have some work out tapes--walking with Leslie Sansone and The Firm workout tapes--that I'll be doing.

Thank you for reading and I hope you'll follow up on me.  This is what's working for me--I realized everyone is different--some people work better having to track--I do not do well with that.  As far as a goal weight?  I'd like to be at 140--we will see where this takes me.